Somatic Relational Therapy: what’s it all about?
Somatic Relational Therapy blends body-based practices with good old-fashioned human connection. It’s about helping you feel safer in your body, shift the echoes of past stress or trauma, learn how to regulate your emotions, and learn how to relate to yourself and others in a healthier, more satisfying way.
For example somatic relational therapy might be about learning how to regulate your emotions and express them in a mature way (yes even anger), speaking up for your needs (yup you are allowed to have them), hold boundaries with kindness and compassion for yourself and the other, and say the magical word “no.”
I get a lot of enquiries from people who have seen Somatic therapy content online. (Awesome – I am glad the internets are using their power for good not evil). But what if I told you that the somatic techniques are not the most important thing in our session. Gasp! What??
Somatic therapy techniques help you listen to the wisdom of your body but an equally important aspect of our session is the therapeutic relationship between you and me.
Why? Because it’s likely that you’ve been harmed/upset/rejected in relationship (and that’s usually why you are here to see me) and the route to your healing is through relationship.
“We are hurt in relationship and we heal in relationship” Diane Poole Heller
So here’s a brief guide to Somatic Relational Therapy and how it can benefit you:
Mind–Body Connection: Listening to your body (it’s been trying to get your attention for years)
In my 30s I described feeling like a head wobbling around on a broom stick. I felt disconnected from my body and that showed up in my relationships and life choices. Not surprising given that a) I come from England which is notoriously emotionally repressed (‘stiff upper lip’ and all that guff), and b) in Western society, we prioritise the cerebral and often sideline the wisdom of the body.
Luckily, I learned to listen more to my body and learned that emotions, thoughts, and the physical sensations in your body are linked. Somatic relational therapy helps you notice how they interact, so you can understand yourself better. (Link to Story follows State blog)
Somatic (body-based) techniques
Somatic therapy techniques help you FEEL what’s going on for you. The somatic and polyvagal techniques I use come from the work of the brightest psychotherapy minds on the planet (Dr Peter Levine, Dr Deb Dana, Dr Pat Ogden, old-skool body psychotherapy, dance movement therapy and more).
The aim of the somatic therapy techniques are:
- To help you down-regulate your nervous system – feel safer and calmer in your body
- To ground you and bring you back to the present time (and back into your body if necessary)
- Listen to the wisdom of your body. We tune into things like your posture, breath, the sensations inside your body (like that tight jaw you have had forever), to tap into what’s really going on inside you. How you REALLY feel. Often the body holds on to stuff the mind has long forgotten. And we can also convince ourself of anything with our thoughts, especially if we’re a ‘good girl’ and used to pleasing others.
The Somatic Therapy techniques are GREAT but as I say, they are just part of the therapy picture.
“We are hurt in relationship and we heal in relationship,” Diane Poole Heller
Relational healing
The therapy relationship is part of the medicine. Feeling safe, seen, and accepted in the presence of another human helps rewire old patterns and teaches your nervous system: “Oh… it’s safe to connect.” Or “Oh I can tell Sarah she’s talking cr*p and stand up for myself and she’s not going to get angry with me.”
You might think in your session that I’m just sat there listening to you whilst drinking my cup of tea, sinking back into my chair. Yes I am actively listening to you but I am also tuning into much, much more:
I’m listening out for the story behind the story: the feelings, the missed relational needs where you felt unloved, unseen, unheard.
I’m also scanning back through my catalogue of your life history to see where the story you were telling me today is reinforcing (or perhaps even contrasting hopefully) your previous relational experiences.
So many of us feel a disconnect in our important relationships, a misattunement if you like. My job is to either fill that need, help you find it in yourself or ask for it in your important relationships.
Neuroplasticity and emotional growth happens when we heal through relationship.
Yes, you may have been hurt in relationship with others, but let’s look at how you can heal by understanding yourself and your patterns with others.
“The quality of our relationships, determines the quality of our lives” Esther Perel
Somatic Relational Therapy is trauma-informed
If your body is still bracing from past shocks, somatic relational therapy helps gently release that stuck energy. It’s not about re-living the trauma, but about giving your body the chance to exhale and gently release, so that you can move forward.
Staying present
We work with what’s happening in the here and now — the flutter in your chest, the urge to run or cry, the knot in your stomach — instead of getting lost in past or future. We work WITH your body, not against it.
Building resilience
I want to help you develop new coping skills and a greater capacity to handle life’s challenges. Over time, you feel more grounded, more resourceful, and more able to face life’s curveballs without toppling over.
I also want to help you find healthier patterns of relating, and a sturdier sense of yourself in the world.
Next Steps
If you are ready to work with me, please fill in my New Client Enquiry form (It helps me understand where you’re at and what you’re looking for, and I will get back to you as soon as I have space in my diary).
If you’re not quite ready to work with me, why not have a look at more of my blog posts (Why I get you to move and breathe in your session or Why Story follows State), check me out on YouTube, or read some of these books:
- “The body keeps the Score” Bessel van der Kolk (uber-famous,very sciency and a long read, but a lot of people love it)
- “Healing Trauma: A Pioneering Program for Restoring the Wisdom of Your Body” Peter Levine (a practical, slim read, packed with simple exercises)
- “The Nervous System Reset: Heal Trauma, Resolve Chronic Stress and Pain, and Regulate Your Emotions with the Power of the Vagus Nerve” by Jessica Maguire (written by Australian physio and Ted Talk alum Jessica)
Being open and honest: These are Amazon AU links and I get a tiny affiliate commission
